I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize