When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
