Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
