tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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