id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
