at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
