i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
