we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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