Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
