it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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