Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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