I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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