he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
