I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
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I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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