btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
