What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
