Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
