i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
