he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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