I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
