hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
