Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
