Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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