Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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