Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
