Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
