I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
