Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
