Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
North Korea, Best Korea!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
