This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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