Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
