Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
