Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
