Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
