I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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