The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
