i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
