I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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