My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
