Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
