I can tuck mytits in my pants
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
