He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
