just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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