420 ftw
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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