i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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