I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
