Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
