Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
