Where did you get a picture of my penis
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
