The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
