I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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