Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
