in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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