Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can't turn off my feet"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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