i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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