In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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