I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
