I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
