I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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