youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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