i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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