it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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